A Movie, A Book Signing and Baseball

John Briant Book Signing
I went to the Barnes and Noble in my hometown last night to go to a book signing by John Briant. He was signing copies of his latest in the Adirondack Detective series which is called Adirondack Detective Goes West. John had a nice crowd and I enjoyed listening to the stories of this retired NYS Policeman. I also met his wonderful wife Marge. John is wildly popular throughout NYS and with good reason. Jason Black is a great character along with his German Shepard Reuben.

Everything is Illuminated
I watched this movie last night and I loved it. I'm going to pick up the book. Elijah Wood plays a young man going back to Eastern Europe to the town his Jewish grandfather escaped from in WWII. The dog in this movie had the funniest name: Sammy Davis, Jr. Jr. This was a thought-provoking movie that seemed to have been overlooked. I wonder if it's because the novel was so highly praised? I'm looking forward to reading the book. If only I had more time in the day to read all the backlog of books sitting on my shelf.

Baseball
Well, I'm the assistant coach on my son's baseball team and I'm having a blast with the minor league players. It's fun to watch kids who have nothing but pure joy for the game. I have to admit my arm got a little rubbery after hours of throwing the ball around. My son was thrilled for he's on the "red" team. It's funny how kids put such importance on colors and numbers. Should be a fun season. We're teaching the kids the fundamentals , sportsmanship and fun!

Eldest

Another Book Down the Hatch
Well I finished the book Eldest today and I loved it. It's a long read at 668 pages yet I found myself captivated by Eragon's training as a dragon rider and the development with his dragon Saphira. The book ends wanting you to read the final book of the trilogy but we'll have to wait to see what happens with Eragon and his showdown with the evil King Galbitorix. The movie comes out this Christmas and I predict it will be a huge blockbuster. I wonder if it will be just book one or if book two will be in the movie? I'll be there opening night because I'm an Elgasia geek.

Next Book
I'm now reading a book by Etgar Keret titled The Nimrod Flipout. I'm looking forward to delving into this critically acclaimed book of short stories. I'll report back later on my opinion.

Appearance Fee

Pay Me To Appear?
Fee can be an ugly word. An uncomfortable word. So let's get this out of the way. How much is my appearance fee?

Well, if I wrote Harry Potter it would be more than a few dollars. Since I wrote Daisy Daring it's. . . drum roll, please - - - NOTHING! FREE! I get e-mails from groups, clubs and stores asking me what my appearance fee is and I let them know that I'm cheap- I'm free.

What would you pay for author Dennis Webster? Not more than a wooden nickel and I don't blame you. I wouldn't pay anything to see myself. As a matter of fact, you'd have to pay me to pay myself to look at me. See what I mean? What I'm getting at here is what economists refer to as "economies of scale." The demand for Dennis Webster is low and the supply of Dennis Webster is high so there's a low price. But let's dream and say that the demand for Dennis Webster was high and the supply of Dennis Webster was low - then we're talking a fee schedule. I'm talking fives, tens and twenties.

Just to throw a reality check out there, I asked my family over my macaroni and cheese what they would pay to sit and eat dinner with me. Please remember that I do have some table manners and a little decorum (Burps and farts not included). Well my wife said $50. I love her lying little heart. My oldest child said a million dollars and my middle child said a billion dollars. Somehow, I see myself being set up with a Chucky Cheese trip based on those answers. Well, when I asked my youngest daughter, she didn't even look up from her dinner and declared how much she'd pay to eat dinner with me, "zero dollars and zero cents." You can't fault a child for honesty.

Recap: Fee? I don't need no stinkin' fee.

2 Horror Movies

Hostel
I rented and watched the horror movie Hostel. This was about 2 Americans backpacking across Europe doing nothing but smoking pot, drinking beer, picking up women and acting like the stereotypical "Ugly American." They find themselves conned into going to Slovakia to a Hostel that has beautiful women who throw themselves at Americans. Ah ha! If it were only that easy. Instead, they end up in an old factory where rich international businessmen pay huge sums of money to torture and kill - just for the thrill. This movie is bloody and disturbing and I would steer clear if you don't like this kind of thing. I for one, loved it. The lesson is not to travel in other countries and assume you're safe.

Wolf Creek
This was movie 2 in my horror film festival and I found this a disturbing movie that was based on a true story. Three Australian teens - good looking of course; decide to drive across the vast desert of Australia. They end up breaking down and the wrong person comes to the rescue and a bloodbath ensues. It reminds me of the part in Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy where the Mexicans come across two Americans running for their lives. The Americans call out to get a drink of water and the Mexicans laugh. They tell them, "The lamb calls for his mother, but doesn't know if the wolf will show up." The lesson learned is don't pay $1500 for a car to drive across the desert.

Graphic Novel
Well, the first thumbnail sketches have been sent to me by my friend Craig on our Graphic Novel project and I was blown away. I'll reveal the name and place some of the artwork on the website as soon as they're completed.

Hollywood Dreaming

Movie of the Week
I watched the movie Fun with Dick and Jane last night with my wife and I laughed all the way through it. Anybody that's struggled in their job or financial life at-home can relate. Jim Carrey plays Dick who loses his job after an Enron type scandal. He's forced to work at a Wal Mart type store yet gets fired from it. He's forced to robbing convenience stores to pay the bills. I loved when his sod lawn was repossesed. He goes around the neighborhood ripping chunks of sod from other lawns to jigsaw his back together. The underlying theme of this movie is that we're all vulnerable in this day and age of conspicuous consumption. We're of a day and age where everyone thinks they're entiled to the life of a wealthy person. Everyone should have everything they want. I admit I long for a new car or perhaps getting my cavities filled. We're of a generation that demands stuff. Lots and lots of stuff.

Spring Cleaning
Well, I have to put my snowblower away and get out my lawnmowers, my weed wacker and all my other spring/summer gear. Time to take down the storm windows, clean the screens, take out the gas grill and perform a cellar cleansing. I hate doing all this. It takes me an entire day but I'm pleased when it's out of the way. Houses sure are a lot of work. No wonder people live in apartments. Just think of all the brain space you can use for other interests if you didn't have to worry about lawn care and blah, blah, blahbiddy - blah.

20,000 Words
Well I just hit the 20,000 word mark on the soon-to-be-rejected memoir of my life. Lots of crap and nothing of particular interest. I never saved a life, climbed a mountain or had tea with the Dali Lama. I have picked up pine cones, ate some Doritos, and drank flat beer. Sounds like a winner, eh? As soon as I'm done with this I have another idea for a historical novel. It takes place in London and will require a lot of research so it might tie me up for a long time.

Hollywood?
What's the biggest misconception of being a published author? That I made millions and I can retire from my day job. At least 72,000 books a year are published in the United States and this number doesn't count vanity press, self-publishing or subsidy publishing. The authors that make enough to do it for a living are very, very small in %. I'd guess 1/2 of 1%. They say that a typical publisher rejects 90% of submissions then of the 10% they decide to look at only 1% will get published. Out of these published books, less than 10% will be optioned by Hollywood. An option means that someone in Hollywood is interested in seeing if they want to make a movie based on your book. They usually pay the author to hold the rights for 1 year. At the end of the year they can option it again, let it go or take the next step. This means writing a script and seeking financing and possible distribution. The odds of getting published, even by a small press, are very high and the chances of being optioned by Hollywood and making a ton of money is way higher. That's why 99.9% of published authors still work a day job. I'm lucky because I have a job I love. I have no delusions of grandeur. The odds of me being optioned and becoming a best-selling NY Times author is about the same as you going outdoors and having a blue chunk of airplane toilet ice smacking you on the head.

The Road Warrior

Mad Max 2
Well I watched the Road Warrior and I had forgotten how great this movie is. Many critics hailed it as one of the best of the 80's. Mel Gibson plays the burnt out cop wandering the wasteland looking for a tank of gasoline for his V8 Interceptor. I remember at the time that a lot of post apocalypse movies came out like DefCon 4, Steel Dawn, and Cherry 2000.

Bad Movies
A really cool website is www.badmovies.org . I love B movies and I've seen most of the ones listed like The Stuff, Reanimator, The Toxic Avenger or The Devil's Rain. Bad acting, bad special effects and Swiss cheese plot holes.

Chess
I've been teaching my son to play chess and now he's beating me. Granted I'm not a very good player. I read that this game is 1500 years old and came from India. It's popular because there's billions of possible moves.

Memoir Writing
Perhaps writing a memoir is not the best thing to be doing. It's nice to have time erase bad memories and painful experiences. Rehashing stuff I want to forget is not the best of times in this writing. There are a lot of great times so I suppose that most people have good times and bad times- that's what makes life the crazy ride that it is. I could sit on a stone floor like a monk but I want to breath the air, drink the wine and eat the cheese of life.

Red-Headed Agama

A New Pet
Well I bought a new pet for the Webster household and it's a lizard. A Red-Headed Agama which is 12" long and will get up to 15" long and will live 8 years. I have the tank, the sand, rocks, wood and a couple dozen crickets. It was fun and my kids got a big kick out of watching "Spunky" chomp on a cricket. He's tan with light green stripes on his head with little red tufts that look like ears. I never had any pets as a child so I'm enjoying have a dog and now a lizard. Who knows what's next?

Pho Mekong
I love to go to this restaurant and eat the Pho Ga which is the chicken noodle soup and #N19 on the menu. I'm there at noon every Friday so if you want to stop and see me, I'm the anti-social person in the corner reading a book and eating soup all alone. Pho Mekong is a Vietnamese restaurant in Utica, NY that has the most authentic Vietnam food you'll get anywhere in the USA. I had lunch there with Asian businessmen and they raved at how good it was. Not Americanized at all.

Alone
Speaking of eating alone, I astonish my wife with my being able to eat and work alone. I grew up in a house not much larger than a Ritz cracker box with six brothers and sisters and always relished my alone time. I'm very funny in that I like to talk with people yet there's times when I want to be all alone. Many times when I was a teenager I'd walk to the local cemetery and sit at the foot of the large cross on top of the highest hill and just watch the clouds go by. I find that my best ideas come and the stress of life goes away when I have just a few moments of isolation.

Proctor Park
I love to walk on my lunch from my day job and one of my favorites is Proctor Park in Utica. I love to walk through the woods and by the babbling brook and seeing the trees rock in the wind and the squirrels bounding around. When it's summer and really sunny and warm, I bring a book and sit in the shade of a tree and read with nothing but the sound of the leaves rubbing against each other.

Goblet of Fire
Wow has Harry Potter grown up. I had read the book so I knew what was going to happen but with each movie comes darker themes and scarier events. I was hesitant to let my kids see this movie and was glad I made my six year old miss it. There's a death and the return of Lord Voldemort was as scary as anything a kid should see. My review of the movie was that I liked it very much.

The Punisher
I watched this movie the other night and wished it was a little bit more like the comic book. I liked it yet it went away from the true intent of the Punisher. Thomas Jane did a great job as the brooding man out for revenge for the death of his family. I liked the way he killed John Travolta at the end.